At the age of 67, I have come to realize how much I live my life in fear (as most other people do) instead of in faith, and I am in the process of correcting that. But I still wrestle with fears and conflicts within myself. For example:
1) Will our loved ones die? Yes, for that is the nature of life. We will all die but to fear death only detracts from life and the brief time we are here and have each other. Instead, I will recognize death's inevitability and use it to appreciate life all the more and appreciate the people in my life while I have them, for I have no control over their actions or their destiny. Their safety and destiny are in hands far greater than my own. Yet the loss of Anne, or one of our children or grandchildren or other loved ones could devastate me.
2) What if my writings end? I love publishing those writings and they are a crucial part of my sense of purpose but if they should end I would discover it is time for me to do something else.
3) Will Anne and I go broke? These are tough economic times and almost anyone can go broke. But rather than focus my energy in fear, which will only attract more fear and negative energy with it, I can focus on faith. As an entrepreneur, time and again I nearly lost the money we had. But through faith and hope and a wealth of experience and optimism, we became financially independent and have retained that independence and I hope it will continue. In any case, we all came into this life with no money and we will all leave it that way.
4) Will an earthquake strike? I live in California, of course an earthquake will strike. But I've lived through many of them and live in California by choice, for it has so much to offer that I value. If an earthquake strikes with the ferocity it did in Japan on March 11th, 2011, including with a tsunami that followed in its wake, then this is a price I must be willing to accept. If I cannot, then I must move to a different locale. Yet if ever I chose another locale, I must recognize it is the nature of life on earth to be confronted by powerful natural forces such as earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, fires, volcanoes and other potential disasters and come to grips with my fears.
5) What if Anne or I or another loved get cancer? We have had loved ones who got cancer and some died from it. But we can't live our lives in fear of cancer. Instead, we can take reasonable steps through regular medical exams, reduction of stress, eating properly and exercising routinely to reduce the likelihood we will get cancer. Yet as with point 1, this could devastate me, as I felt the suffering as well as the ultimate loss of life.
6) What if someone betrays me? Some people already have betrayed me. While it was terribly hurtful, it wasn't the end of the world. I adjusted to what happened, corrected the damage as best I could, forgave them and moved on with my life.
7) Do I have the courage to let go and live a life of faith? I have long aggressively pursued goals, knocking on doors of opportunity. If those doors of opportunity didn't open when I wanted them to, I tried to knock those doors down. It was not only foolish, sometimes the opportunity I forced on myself was not what it appeared to be and I regretted my actions. Now I understand, when the time is right, the doors will open. But if they never open on a particular opportunity, that opportunity was not right for me. I also recall an April, 2006 "AngelScribe" from my friend Mary Ellen which says in part, "Because in truth you are not in control and your hands burn from grasping the reins of your life so tightly." Grasping those reins tightly has long been true for me and I'm learning to release my grasp of those reins.
8) Am I old? Yes, I'm 67-years-old. And thank God. I'm staying in this life long enough to experience many of life's cycles and to grow from them, as I understand ever more about this journey, for we are all in search of spiritual growth. In faith, I am enjoying today and to the best of my ability and enthusiasm, enjoying all the people and all the wonderful aspects of this day, as I do my part in helping to make it a little nicer for all of us.
9) Do I fear my own death? No. In this life, I have received spiritual guidance to the point I believe my death will simply be the shedding of my physical body and the transference back to being solely in spirit. When that happens, I will be among intense love and beauty but also among accountability so I can learn from what had been my journey in body. However, if I choose to, there is no reason I cannot start to do the best I can to correct some of my earlier mistakes.
10) Have I found my life's path? Yes for it has always found me. But my life's path has taken various forms along its way. In youth and in middle age, I was highly competitive and I was sometimes in pursuit of all the ego called for including big houses, Porsches and the finest Italian clothes. I no longer pursue these things, and have donated much of my clothing to charity. I live in a far smaller but beautiful home with Anne, a home I believe at this time in our lives, we were meant to occupy.
10 Continued) I knew it when the home presented itself for sale, as Anne became excited and I felt drawn to it. It was reaffirmed in my heart when I saw how many people would benefit from its sale to us, all of whom I cared for. It included the owners of the prior home we leased, which is a couple Anne and I are fond of, the sellers of the home we bought, whom we learned about, and their agent, who we had known previously. Anne and I also had the joy of our son Kyle as our agent, who is an outstanding agent with our best interests at heart, and we knew he would profit by our purchase, his profiting by it being important to us.
Commentary) My life at this stage is meant to shed itself of ego gratification and to be of greater service to others on their Divine journey of personal growth. By others, I mean all of mankind and all living beings, for I have now been a vegetarian for over 11 years. To think we as mankind are all other than on this journey together has been an illusion, perpetuated by ego, a lust for power and from greed. There is no such thing as "them" and "us," there is only us and we as mankind will continue to fight wars and devastate ourselves as well with fear, ignorance, poverty and disease until we understand and accept that. I know this to be true for I am experiencing a large awakening from within my spiritual center and I'm seeing more clearly than ever before.
Dick
Note: 4/5/12 This was a joyful introspective piece to write and I learned more about myself, but a difficult piece to publish because I feel naked, my protective veneer stripped away in front of anyone else who may ever read this.
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