The Priceless Value In Forgiving Others

On April 6th, 2012 I wrote this email to Gary Jacobs, with the hope he would share it with Jack Durliat as well. They had been my long-time business partners at Capital Associates and my friends as well. But nearly 18 years ago our relationship ended on unfriendly terms and it is essential for me to forgive those who caused me harm and hopefully those to whom I caused harm will also forgive me.

Regardless of Gary's or Jack's response, I am thankful they were in my life for so long, as we brought to each other business success and many a good time and I sincerely forgive them for what later occurred. I wish them and their families good health, love and happiness.

Dear Gary,

As time has passed, I look back fondly at all we as friends and partners accomplished together. It is amazing, especially if you consider all the competition we faced and how little money we began with and how together, we built one of the bigger computer leasing companies in the United States. That computer leasing company not only provided excellent customer service but employed many extremely talented people, and they were the core of what made it so successful for so long.

 I also think of you and Janet and Michael and Jamie and it brings a big smile to my heart. After all those years of working together and caring for each other, while we accomplished so much, I’m sorry our professional relationship ended on a sour note and that it took our friendship with it.

 As I think of you often, I think of Jack Durliat as well. On April 1^st, he turned 72, and I wished I could help him celebrate his birthday, but I had no idea how to do so. Whatever mistakes we made in the past are behind us and I would like to offer him my best wishes, as I offer those best wishes to you.

 As I recall Janet fondly, I also recall Pat fondly as well. And as I recall Michael and Jamie as being such lovely children, I similarly recall Mike, Mark and Renee.

 So with a heart seeking forgiveness, but one also of enthusiasm, optimism and joy, I reach out to you and to Jack. Perhaps we can once again build a wonderful relationship, but if not, that we can all be thankful for the one we had for so long.

 Dick

4/22/12 Update:

Yesterday, Gary and I had an extensive and wonderful telephone call, he was in Colorado and I was in California. As for Jack Durliat, Gary diplomatically indicated Jack for now had no interest in such a conversation.

By listening to Gary, I learned a great deal from his perspective about a wide variety of matters including why our friendship and why our business went askew after so many years of success. I was also stunned to learn about a heath issue he had that was so serious, it could easily have taken his life or incapacitated him nearly two years ago.

But most of all, I learned it was foolish of me not to have committed myself in earnest long ago to have forgiven him and for him to have forgiven me and if possible to resurrect our friendship. Even if we never again become friends, I feel far better as a result of our conversation and I believe Gary does too. This is the email I sent him today:

Hi Gary,


I very much enjoyed our conversation yesterday and appreciated your insight as to what sent our relationship askew so many years ago. I also found of great interest your comments about so many other matters, including your updates on Janet, Jamie and Michael. And I was stunned and my heart ached by what happened to you two years ago this June. For such a surgical procedure could easily have taken your life or permanently incapacitated you.

As I listened to you and thought of the past and the present, it became apparent as to why you and I had such a fine friendship and how together, along with an outstanding team of people, we built such a top notch business. One that despite huge competitors, became one of the biggest computer leasing companies in the U.S., one that succeeded for many years.

Learning that you and Janet are grandparents of two tiny boys and soon a baby girl brought me great joy. That despite Janet’s busy schedule as a professor, writer, speaker and mentor to numerous grad students, she is now a grandmother and I know from firsthand experience, she will be devoted to her grandchildren, who have already captured her heart.

Gary, having carefully contemplated our conversation yesterday, it is clear to me the direction Janet, Jamie and Michael are taking and I’m pleased for each of them. But it is unclear to me why you are doing what you are professionally. You have enormous talent and intellect and no doubt your partners, investors and the businesses you oversee benefit by it but what would you do if you weren’t so immersed in what you do now? What would give you enormous satisfaction?

Just a few thoughts from someone who cares about you. For in any case, may I assure you – you again have a close and caring friend in California.

Dick