As a Father, Painful Lessons To Learn

Throughout my 67 year life, I have made many mistakes, some of them deeply hurtful to others as happened here. But to hurt others, particularly those closest to me, hurts me deeply as well. Yet my greatest learning experiences have come from my mistakes and being human, for the rest of my life I will continue to make them. However, this is a journal entry of mistakes with Anne's and my son Kevin that I deeply regret.

I spoke with Kevin yesterday (11/4/12), who very politely explained some hurtful things I had done to him without me being aware of having done them.

Sometimes when speaking to him on the telephone, I have interrupted our call to respond to a "call-waiting" notice that someone else is on the line. Yet when Kevin calls, sometimes he gets no reply because I did not respond to the "call waiting" feature and let his call just ring.

He told me in the "call waiting" feature, the caller's name is displayed unless the caller has designated his or her calls as a "private caller," something Kevin does not do, and his name is displayed. I did not know that in "call waiting" the name of the person is displayed, so it was never intentional but I have already begun to ignore "call waiting" rather than interrupt anybody because I had already had some complaints beside Kevin's.

Although it was inadvertent, I feel very bad about treating Kevin this way and I will be more sensitive to his feelings. I am hurting inside for what my lack of consideration caused my son.

Secondly, Kevin pointed out that when I had the news that Uncle Gene's life threatening heart surgery had gone well, I called his brothers Kyle and Clayton to tell them. But because Kevin was in Arizona visiting his father-in-law Ben Haney, and I didn't have his cell phone number, I emailed Ben to tell Kevin.

But Ben didn't check his email until 4 am the next morning and Kevin didn't learn this important news about Uncle Gene until later that morning. With hindsight, I should have called Anne to get Kevin's cell phone number and called him promptly as I did his brothers.

I am embarrassed by my thoughtlessness, and ache inside to think about it. During our conversation, I got Kevin's cell phone number and Anne gave me Kevin's office number, to go with his home number which I already had. All of these numbers will now be easily accessible in my records.

I love Kevin just as I do Kyle and Clayton yet still did something as hurtful as this and must accept responsibility for it. The best way I know to address it is to apologize for what I have done to him, learn from it and change my behavior to treat him with the love and consideration he deserves.

How could I have been so blind and inconsiderate? I have no answer. But thankfully I listened intensely to Kevin to understand his perspective and have the opportunity to do far better.

Dick