Last night (5/26/13) Anne and I hosted a family party that in all included 16 people. Among them were two of our sons, Kevin and Clayton and four of our grandchildren, Cameron 8, Carina 5, and Brody 7, and Gannon 5.
Everyone appeared to have a wonderful time and there were two remarkable events that made this party memorable for me:
1) As I mentioned to Kevin, and the next day to Uncle Gene, in the two years we've had the play set of clubhouse, slides and swings, never before have we had so many children laugh and play with such vigor on them. Their joy touched my heart.
2) An incident. While I didn't see it, Cameron and Gannon collided, bumping heads. No-one was really hurt but shortly after I saw Gannon being comforted and Cameron in the house visibly upset.
He and I sat down in the living room and he told me the collision was an accident. And then as the tears trickled down his cheeks, he said everyone rushed to comfort Gannon but no-one comforted him.
He talked about people everywhere he goes blaming him for so much of the bad things that happen and that they don't like him and think he is a bad little boy. As he spoke, the tears began to rapidly fall and I took out a bright pink tissue and kept wiping those tears away so that he could keep speaking without interruption.
When he finished speaking, I assured him that many of us love him, and named some of the people who do. I told him that Gannon got the attention because he is just 5 years old. And I apologized to Cameron that the rest of us didn't notice that he too had been hurt and needed attention.
I told him that none of us is perfect and that life is sometimes unfair. But that doesn't mean we don't love him. And I said to him that he is about to learn a valuable lesson that could last him all of his life.
Knowing how bright he is, I told him what he was about to learn was special and asked him what he thought that lesson might be. I also asked what would be special to him as an 8 year old child.
He replied it would be special if he could fly. I acknowledged that would be special but that is not what the lesson is.
I told him what could make this incident special would be if he learned to forgive. I told him how rare the ability to forgive is among adults and he guessed that 120 adults could not forgive and 5 adults could. I told him those figures are about right.
And I told him if he could learn to forgive, he would be a much happier person and not be so angry with others. He was bright enough to understand this concept as I discussed it with him but perhaps as a boy just 8 years old, not yet ready to put it in practice.
When he asked if others should say "sorry" to him, I told him they should but said even that is unnecessary as a condition of forgiveness. We dscussed forgiveness as a concept not dependent on what others do but on what he chooses to do.
That forgiveness is often not easy but that it is the right thing to do and he will later be glad he did it.
I then walked him back into the yard where a baseball game was in progress and as his dad and Aunt Melody drew him into the game, pretty soon he was laughing along with everyone else and the incident was forgotten.
But I have a feeling this lesson in forgiveness will become a profound moment in his life as the seeds of insight into human nature were planted and that those seeds will blossom as he grows older. That is certainly my hope.
Dick
No comments:
Post a Comment